McCoy Fatula, APCMcCoy
Fatula
Located in Roseville, CA
916-945-2780

Untying the knot again

Despite the depressing statistics about marriage and divorce, many people are determined to defy the odds and make their marriages last. You may have been one of those people who were certain you and your spouse would grow old together and were crushed when the marriage ended.

Maybe you had the same notions when you entered your second marriage, knowing the odds were even more against you. In fact, studies say that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. For some, it may be that they jumped into the second marriage without understanding the reasons behind the failure of the first one. In such cases, they may have been doomed to repeat their mistakes.

Common stressors on a second marriage

Marriage counselors often see some of the same issues arising between partners in second marriages, and maybe you can see yourself in some of these situations. For example, if your second marriage made you feel as if your children were competing with your new spouse for your attention, there may have been tension in the family. Feelings of competition may have arisen between former spouses and new spouses, creating unfair expectations.

Money can be a significant cause for disputes whether it is your first marriage or your tenth. In a second marriage, however, you or your new spouse may have trust issues leftover from previous marriages, and these may lead to financial conflicts, such as the following:

  • If one of you wants to keep your incomes separate
  • If one of you comes to the marriage with debt from the previous marriage
  • If you or your new spouse has alimony or child support obligations that eat into the budget
  • If an ex-spouse's new partner puts pressure on you for more money

Financial squabbles can escalate quickly, and if this is something you dealt with in your previous marriage, you may have less tolerance or be less likely to forgive or compromise.

The painful decision to end it

After going through it once, you may think you know what you're up against in a second marriage. However, things may not be working out as you had planned. If you are feeling that it is time to end the marriage, your frustration and anxiety levels may be high. You may not want to relive the acrimonious scene in a courtroom.

On the other hand, if you and your spouse have come to agreement on the terms of your divorce, having an attorney review the settlement will better protect you from future motions than to set it aside. Your attorney can make sure the language used in the agreement is sound so that your soon-to-be former spouse is unlikely to take any actions against it.

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